I have noticed a very strange thing amongst most people with OCD. At one timeor another, we all doubt that we actually have the illness. Weird, right? Even though we may have been diagnosed by qualified professionals multiple times, even though we know our symptoms match up with the description of OCD, or even though we talk to, and find tremendous commonality with, other OCD sufferers, many (or most) of us continue to wonder if we are imagining it or making it up.
I really wish I could explain this better to those of you who don't have OCD, but I suspect my fellow strugglers will have no problem identifying with this oddity. One of the core issues of OCD is doubt; pathological doubt, about everything, and especially, about ourselves, our actions, our thoughts, and our motives. I can't tell you how many times I have thought to myself, "Am I making this up? I don't really have OCD. I'm not really afraid of anything, I can touch whatever I want, I'm just faking it. I'm just doing this to get attention. What a selfish jerk I am." It is a bizarre thought that seems to occur to me when my symptoms are on the quiet side. Then, later, something will happen to get the anxiety pumped up and I'll realize that, oh no, I'm most definitely not making this up!
So if you have OCD, and you keep having thoughts that you are making it up, you're in good company!