It was almost exactly 3 years ago (12/13/10) that Jim was released from the hospital after a week and a half stay that was due to a life threatening flare of Ulcerative Colitis/Crohn's Disease. And . . . yesterday (12/14), we were in the emergency room again. To keep him in remission from his disease, he gets an infusion of immune suppressing medication every 8 weeks. Because his immune system is now compromised, any type of cold/flu/fever can be dangerous for him. So when his temp hit 101, I called the doctor's office, and we were then directed to go to the ER.
|Jim was not too happy with me that I|
forced him to go to the ER!
Being that uncertainty is at the core of OCD, these types of things usually drive me crazy (literally). I always worry that he might die or be disabled for life. And the memories. Oh, the bad, bad memories of 3 years ago that continue to haunt me every November/December since then. Well, truthfully, they haunt me all the time.
I was definitely scared yesterday, don't get me wrong. But I never felt out of control or overwhelmed. I can't believe I'm saying this, but in some ways, those bad memories served a good purpose. I remembered how awful things were at that previous time, but I also remembered that I got through it. That helped me tremendously yesterday. I knew things could have been much, much worse, and even if they did get worse, we would find a way to survive.
I have been petrified about this type of health problem for 3 long years. I've had massive anticipatory anxiety. It finally happened. The world did not collapse. I tried really hard to focus on our blessings. The ER staff was great. They took his condition very seriously and treated him cautiously. Tons of our friends and family were praying for us. I'm sure that was why I was relatively at peace yesterday. We managed to make it to the hospital and back home before a major snowstorm (10 inches) hit us. There is a lot to be grateful for.
Oh, and Jim just happens to be on the mend! Today was a pretty good day for him and it seems like his fever is gone.
We are so much stronger than we think we are. You are so much stronger than you think you are. Remember, OCD lies to us. Just because we feel weak, it doesn't make it true.