Why "71º & Sunny?"

I consider 71º to be the perfect temperature. Not too cold and not too hot. I also love perfect sunny days. The vast majority of days are not 71º & Sunny and yet, all days were created by God's hand and they are still gifts, even if they don't fit my ridiculous definition of perfection. My struggle with OCD has at times imprisoned me in an impossible attempt to achieve perfection. I'm now learning to love all kinds of days that don't even come close to 71º & Sunny.

Please leave me a comment below. I really want to know what you are thinking!

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Deja Vu?

It was almost exactly 3 years ago (12/13/10) that Jim was released from the hospital after a week and a half stay that was due to a life threatening flare of Ulcerative Colitis/Crohn's Disease. And . . . yesterday (12/14), we were in the emergency room again. To keep him in remission from his disease, he gets an infusion of immune suppressing medication every 8 weeks. Because his immune system is now compromised, any type of cold/flu/fever can be dangerous for him. So when his temp hit 101, I called the doctor's office, and we were then directed to go to the ER.
Jim was not too happy with me that I
forced him to go to the ER!

Being that uncertainty is at the core of OCD, these types of things usually drive me crazy (literally). I always worry that he might die or be disabled for life. And the memories. Oh, the bad, bad memories of 3 years ago that continue to haunt me every November/December since then. Well, truthfully, they haunt me all the time.

I was definitely scared yesterday, don't get me wrong. But I never felt out of control or overwhelmed. I can't believe I'm saying this, but in some ways, those bad memories served a good purpose. I remembered how awful things were at that previous time, but I also remembered that I got through it. That helped me tremendously yesterday. I knew things could have been much, much worse, and even if they did get worse, we would find a way to survive.

I have been petrified about this type of health problem for 3 long years. I've had massive anticipatory anxiety. It finally happened. The world did not collapse. I tried really hard to focus on our blessings. The ER staff was great. They took his condition very seriously and treated him cautiously. Tons of our friends and family were praying for us. I'm sure that was why I was relatively at peace yesterday. We managed to make it to the hospital and back home before a major snowstorm (10 inches) hit us. There is a lot to be grateful for.

Oh, and Jim just happens to be on the mend! Today was a pretty good day for him and it seems like his fever is gone.

We are so much stronger than we think we are. You are so much stronger than you think you are. Remember, OCD lies to us. Just because we feel weak, it doesn't make it true.

10 comments:

  1. I am so glad that Jim is on the mend! I can relate to the worry, and I am proud of you for drawing on past experiences and getting through this scary time. Blessings to you both, and you both will be in my prayers.

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    1. Thanks so much, Tina! I think a lot of wisdom comes from experience. One of the benefits of getting older.

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  2. First of all, I am so glad Jim is going in the right direction, Sunny. So much to be thankful for. Secondly, I can really relate to this post, even without OCD, as my family (like many others) has had our share of health issues. You are right. The anticipation of what might happen can be debilitating. But we are all so much stronger than we think, and we can get through whatever comes our way. I will be thinking of you both......

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    1. Thanks Janet! It can be debilitating and that's why it's so important for me to keep fighting. Can't let it take over again.

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  3. I am happy that Jim is getting the treatment he needs. Although I cannot relate to OCD, I definitely can relate to fear. It sounds to me as if you are able to think things through and are fully aware of your feelings. This is to be commended.

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    1. Yes Linda, unfortunately fear is universal. Ha ha sometimes I think that I'm too aware of my feelings!

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  4. "Remember, OCD lies to us. Just because we feel weak, it doesn't make it true." So true.

    And I'm glad Jim is doing better.

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  5. I am so glad to read that Jim is feeling better. This post really hit home with me because I went and go through something similar with my son. When you talked about some memories haunting you and your anxiety about the future in regards to what you and Jim went and go through, I can really relate. I too count my blessing and look at how strong I am. Thank you for sharing your experience, you and Jim are strong and beautiful:)

    Madison

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    1. Aw, thanks for being so sweet, Madison!

      Oh I'm so sorry to hear you experience the same type of thing with your son. It's like you're hyper vigilant to every possible little symptom, isn't it? That certainly can be tiring. I'm trying so hard to trust od, but I will admit it's sure not easy.

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