Why "71º & Sunny?"

I consider 71º to be the perfect temperature. Not too cold and not too hot. I also love perfect sunny days. The vast majority of days are not 71º & Sunny and yet, all days were created by God's hand and they are still gifts, even if they don't fit my ridiculous definition of perfection. My struggle with OCD has at times imprisoned me in an impossible attempt to achieve perfection. I'm now learning to love all kinds of days that don't even come close to 71º & Sunny.

Please leave me a comment below. I really want to know what you are thinking!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Not Sure What's Going On


So . . . as it says in my title, I'm not too sure what is going on right now. Well, for the last few months, actually. I have absolutely no energy. Zero. None. I'm finding it incredibly difficult to crawl out of bed, and when I do, all I can think about is going back to bed. I'm still going to all the meetings and rehearsals and things that I'm obligated to at church, but that is it. Jim and I recently had a "staycation," you know, a vacation where you don't really go anywhere. We did take some day trips, but even that was hard. I would have just preferred to stay home.

The strange thing is that I don't feel sad. If you asked me if I was depressed, I would say no. However, at my routine quarterly appointment with my psychiatrist a few weeks ago, I was told that my symptoms certainly seem depressive in nature. Reluctantly, I would have to agree. This is awful and embarrassing to admit, but there are days when I have no outside obligations, and I don't even bother to eat because I don't have the energy to go downstairs and fix something for myself.

Again, I don't feel sad or depressed. I'm definitely not telling you this because I want you to feel bad for me or anything like that. I'm not suffering. Believe me, I've been in despair before, and this surely isn't it. But, I also know this is not normal or healthy. So I agreed to add an anti-depressant to my SSRI at my psychiatrist's suggestion. Well, actually, first he suggested a lower dose of my SSRI, but I'm scared to do that for fear of increasing OCD symptoms. So the anti-depressant is the next step. I should know in the next week or so if it is working. I have not seen any improvement yet, but I'm hoping and praying it works. Ugh. I REALLY hate adding medication. While I'm (obviously) not against meds, you could not exactly call me pro-meds either, for a lot of reasons. But, it is what it is.

What really bugs me about this is that there is absolutely no outside reason for feeling this way. My marriage is really good, my adult child is doing well. I have loving friends and family. A roof over my head and food in my refrigerator. I guess that's just the chemical nature of depression isn't it? It appears for no (apparent) rhyme or reason.

Part of me soooooo desperately wants to paint a complete, happy ending for you. However, a bigger part of me wants to give you the truth. The messy, complicated, bitter-sweet truth. And yes, while there is bitter, like what I'm dealing with right now, there is a lot of sweet too. I am NOT hopeless. Oh, I have gone through so much worse than this before! I know I will get through this too.

11 comments:

  1. So sorry you're feeling this way, Sunny! That's depression for you...you can't always pinpoint a specific reason (often there is none). I hope the medication helps...I've had spells that were less black than more robbed of color, where I wasn't sad, exactly, but super tired.

    That said...have you been to your GP? I would want to make sure there's no physical reason for you feeling the way you are.

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  2. So sorry you're feeling this way. I hope the new medication helps you.

    I hate feeling zero energy. I'd rather be bouncing off the walls with anxiety than feeling that lack of energy feeling.

    I'll pray for you.

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  3. I'm so sorry you've been feeling like this, and I hope the medication helps. Depression can seem to have no rhyme or reason, can't it? And it can surely sap the energy.

    Are you in touch with your family doc, too, perhaps to make sure there's no additional reason for the tiredness? Just checking! I'll be thinking about you and hoping for improved energy soon!

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  4. I'm sorry you feel this exhausted. It could really be depression, even if you arent'feeling sad. Like Sean says. I hope th emedication works soon. I'm c onfused though, since you say you're getting an anti-D in addition to your SSRI. Aren't SSRI's antidepressants too?

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    1. Hey Astrid! Such a pretty name. To the best of my knowledge, SSRI's are antidepressants and antianxiety meds. The additional med my doc put me on is a non-SSRI antidepressant that does not do anything for anxiety.

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  5. Sunny, the identical thing happened to me about 5 or 6 years ago, after I'd been taking Luvox for almost a year. It suddenly turned traitor on me and stole ALL of my energy. I could make it through the work day, but when I got home I HAD to nap. I didn't think it was my meds because I had taken them for nearly a year without any bad side effects, but eventually we discovered it was my Luvox and I got off of it and it all went away. It came on very suddenly. Do you have anything that could be similar?

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  6. Have you gone to the doctor and had your nutrients checked? Can definitely be physical reasons for being tired. I'm tired--I've got adrenal fatigue (which most regular doctors don't really recognize).

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  7. I had two thoughts after reading your post, both of which have been brought up by others. One is to have a complete physical check-up, and the other is the possibility that this tiredness might be from some meds you are already taking. Whatever the reason, I hope you are feeling better soon! Sending hugs.

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  8. Sending prayers your way Sunny and hope you regain energy soon.Krystallynn

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  9. I hope the medication change helps, too. I, too, get annoyed with having to take as much medication as I do, even though I'm technically in favor of medication.

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  10. Hi dear Sunny, first of all, I apologize, as I somehow missed this post! Quite honestly, I know exactly how you feel, because I have felt the same way over the last few months. I am not depressed, as I still enjoy things I love such as taking nature walks and doing my blog, but I feel so exhausted and tired with no energy. Many days I have to crawl out of bed, and I am so glad you posted this, because you are not alone! Sending you a warm hug and much love. I will be praying for you.

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