Why "71º & Sunny?"

I consider 71º to be the perfect temperature. Not too cold and not too hot. I also love perfect sunny days. The vast majority of days are not 71º & Sunny and yet, all days were created by God's hand and they are still gifts, even if they don't fit my ridiculous definition of perfection. My struggle with OCD has at times imprisoned me in an impossible attempt to achieve perfection. I'm now learning to love all kinds of days that don't even come close to 71º & Sunny.

Please leave me a comment below. I really want to know what you are thinking!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Anticipatory A-A-A-Anxiety

I've definitely got some anticipatory anxiety brewing right now. Unfortunately, a plumber has to come to my home tomorrow morning to do some work. I believe he (or she!) will probably need to go into the unfinished part of my basement. You know, the mousy part. And then the plumber will probably touch numerous things throughout my house spreading that awful contamination. Agh!!!

I've been thinking all week how I was going to handle this horrible episode. I can ask my husband to come home from work and be here when the plumber is here. I can ask my mom to come and sit with me during the appointment. I can take some extra medication to help me through it. I can cancel the appointment and avoid the whole thing (but not really - the work must get done). I can do any combination of the previous things. Or . . . I can do nothing and just let the plumber come and do his or her business. I can sit with the terrible fear, experience it, and teach my badly behaving body and mind who is really boss. And let me tell you, it's NOT going to be the OCD. I'm choosing the last option, though it's really scary.

One thing I've learned about anxiety is that if you can get through it, your body will adjust to it, and over time (and through many exposures) your body will react less and less to it. Of course, it's the anticipatory anxiety that forever taunts me. I'm always convinced that it is going to be so much worse than it really is. Generally (especially the more you do ERP), the exposure tends to be easier than expected.

So what am I afraid of? The unknown. I don't know what will really happen tomorrow. And I'm just gonna have to live with that.

14 comments:

  1. Good for you. I sure know how this goes, but you're right, the anticipation is the hardest part. you can do it!!!

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    1. Well I just got a call from the guy and he's on his way right now, so I'm just sitting here twiddling my thumbs wishing I could fast-forward my life by 2 hours! And . . . I forgot to take my regular meds yesterday so I have a wicked headache! So dumb of me. But I will live through this, I know. I just feel like I won't! Ha!

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  2. I am so proud of you! I agree that fear of the unknown is quite common...and not only in people with OCD! I do not have OCD and I am often afraid of the unknown. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and feelings here. Sending you a hug.

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    1. Thanks Linda, I can sure use that hug right about now.

      Yes, fear of the unknown is a pretty universal feeling isn't it?

      Ah, he's here. Gotta run!

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  3. I hope everything has gone well. Good for you to be willing to sit with the anxiety! Good things will come from this--you'll be a little stronger, I know it!

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  4. Sunny, for you to even consider--and decide--to do the hardest of the possible options is just awesome! ocd-0 sunny-1. YES!!!

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  5. Wow! I wish I were as brave as you. I don't know if I could even have allowed the guy into the house. (I know the whole if I want to do better I need to try harder, but sometimes I just can't)...

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    1. Oh I hear you Va, some days it just seems impossible.

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  6. Way to go, Sunny! I'm so proud of you.....looking forward to reading how it wasn't as bad as you'd anticipated :)!

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  7. Hi Sunny. Well I hope it is all over by the time you read this, and I hope you got through it without a lot of anxiety. As I am sitting here reading your post; I have a guy in our home doing some concrete work with a drill that is blasting away. Fun, fun, fun. I almost left the house because my husband is here so I don't have to be present but I decided I needed to stay because OCD was telling me to leave. Then I read your post and felt like it was just the confirmation that I needed to hear to stay put. This too shall pass. So far I feel less anxious that what I have been precipitating and hopefully it went well for you too.

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    1. Wow how awesome for you, Krystal Lynn! I am SO proud of you! I'm so glad you found this post even a little helpful. That makes it totally worth it. I hope you got through it ok. Hugs.

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