Why "71º & Sunny?"

I consider 71º to be the perfect temperature. Not too cold and not too hot. I also love perfect sunny days. The vast majority of days are not 71º & Sunny and yet, all days were created by God's hand and they are still gifts, even if they don't fit my ridiculous definition of perfection. My struggle with OCD has at times imprisoned me in an impossible attempt to achieve perfection. I'm now learning to love all kinds of days that don't even come close to 71º & Sunny.

Please leave me a comment below. I really want to know what you are thinking!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

But You Were Able To Do It Before

Can I complain a little? To make it sound better, I'll call it "venting" rather than complaining, ok?

I've made progress with fighting my OCD. A lot of progress. I still have OCD though. I suspect I always will, and I'm ok with that, believe it or not. Well, most of the time, I'm ok with that. Because I've come a long way in my recovery, and depression is not the large ball and chain in my life that it used to be, I think people around me forget that I still live with a mental illness. I don't forget though. I never can forget because it won't let me. I suspect a lot of you can relate to this too. Forgetting isn't an option for us, try as we might.

Recently, someone challenged me to do something that I had been able to do in the past. However, on this particular day, I just couldn't really do it. "But you were able to do it before." Ugh. Yes, I know but that doesn't mean that I can always do it. Some days I have the strength to do it, and some days it's just easier to do it. Other days, well, not so much. I don't think I should use this as an excuse to not try. I know I should always still try to fight the compulsions. Sometimes, though, it's just harder than at other times.

I know this person meant no harm in what they said. I'm sure my behaviors and thought patterns are confusing to anyone who doesn't have OCD. They're confusing to me! I'm not upset with this person. I get it. Just another day in the world of OCD land.

12 comments:

  1. Great post, Sunny! When Dan's OCD was severe, he was not able to eat. I remember that first day when he did have a "break through" and was able to eat a meal;I was so relieved. He did it once, certainly he could do it again! Unfortunately, as you say, that's not how OCD operates. Once I looked at OCD as something separate from Dan (as in Dan VS OCD) it was easier to comprehend. Sometimes Dan wins, other times OCD wins.

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    1. I like how you look at it like a separate issue, Janet, because, it in fact, is.

      It can be frustrating that it can be difficult at times to do something that was easier to do in the past. I'm sure it was helpful to Dan that you understood that.

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  2. Some days are harder than other days. I'm thankful that some days are easier...

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    1. That's a really good way to look at it, to be thankful about the easier days and not focus on the hard ones!

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  3. Just one more aspect of OCD that people who have never lived with it inside their heads are not truly able to understand :) But it's okay. We do. And we like ya anyway - even on days when things don't seem as possible as they once did.

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    1. Great attitude, Shana! It's not their fault they don't understand. I guess we can help with that.

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  4. I'm right there with you, Sunny. The OCD can wax and wane even within one day, I've found. Every day is different. It can be so frustrating.

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    1. Yes it's true, Tina - very strange that within one day things can change!

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  5. Right on, Sunny!

    When people tell me this it can really make me feel bad about myself. LIke, "Well you were able to stay in a hotel BEFORE why can't you now?" Or, you couldn't do it before, why CAN you now?

    I usually just spew the party line at the other person-- "it's strange, sometimes I can do things and I can do them for a long time and then I go through a spell where I can't do those same things-- there is no rhyme or reason-- it's just the nature of OCD."

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    1. Yep, that's the party line, Elizabeth! Pretty much what I say too. Not that I'm glad you struggle with this, but it sure is comforting to know I'm not the only one.

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  6. I totally relate to this! It's so hard to describe to others what we can hardly describe to ourselves.

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    1. Yes! I don't even make sense to myself a lot of the time!!

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