About a month and a half ago, my blogging friend, Just Be Real, wrote a post that really got me thinking. It was about how uncomfortable she was asking others to work around her schedule, instead of the other way around. I was surprised at how much I related to her words. It reminded me of my own discomfort, especially with my psychologist. I desperately wanted my psychologist to like me and to think I was a good patient and a good person, so I seldom requested anything from her. I kept late afternoon appointments though I would have much preferred a mid-day appointment. I rarely called her when I was in a state of panic (though she told me over and over again to do so). I almost never showed her anger even when I was feeling it.
You see, I truly love my doctor as if she is a beloved family member. She is a brilliant psychologist, and a kind and compassionate clinician. She became my lifeline during my therapy. When my mind was so jumbled that I couldn't function, she was the instrument to bring me back to sanity. Oh, I soooo wanted her to like me. Can anyone say "transference?"
I was so convinced that I was a bad patient, that I even asked her about it one time. Imagine my shock when she told me I was one of her hardest working patients. Really?? Me? That can't possibly be true, could it?
Now that I look back, I realize that a certain amount of this feeling towards my therapist is probably normal, maybe even expected. As a Christian, some of this is confusing for me too. I mean, as believers, aren't we supposed to always put others ahead of ourselves? Yet, I'm not sure that it's always wrong to ask for some accommodation, at times. Obviously, we don't want to turn into selfish ego-maniacs constantly demanding that things always go according to our wishes. But I do think that there are times when requesting something that meets our needs is appropriate. Ah, but when is it appropriate? Hmmm . . . maybe you can tell me the answer to that one.