Why "71º & Sunny?"

I consider 71º to be the perfect temperature. Not too cold and not too hot. I also love perfect sunny days. The vast majority of days are not 71º & Sunny and yet, all days were created by God's hand and they are still gifts, even if they don't fit my ridiculous definition of perfection. My struggle with OCD has at times imprisoned me in an impossible attempt to achieve perfection. I'm now learning to love all kinds of days that don't even come close to 71º & Sunny.

Please leave me a comment below. I really want to know what you are thinking!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

Sunday morning and another snow storm in NH. It's a real problem for us, because we live 30 minutes away from our church and most Sundays, Jim and I are (happily!) scheduled to serve in some capacity. This morning, Jim was scheduled to play electric guitar, so he took our all-wheel-drive to church. I'm not scheduled for anything, and I didn't want to sit there for 6 hours waiting for him (we have 3 services, plus a morning rehearsal) so I stayed home. Normally, if I'm not scheduled, I would drive our second car and just show up for one of the services, but there was no way I was going to take our little front-wheel drive in this mess!

Jim texted me this pic from outside our church
If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you probably know where this is going. I was pretty worried about Jim driving this morning. I reminded him several times about being safe and to take his time, etc. When he went to kiss me goodbye, he said, "You're looking at me like it's the last time you're ever going to see me." Oh boy. Busted! I started laughing, because that was exactly what I was doing! I was trying to visually absorb every molecule of him "just in case." After 25 years of marriage, he can pretty much read my mind.

The other thing I was anxious about this morning (yes, of course, there's always another thing) was a fellow member on the audio team at church. I was originally scheduled to run sound this morning, but an opportunity came up for me to visit a church in Boston to do some research for my church. As a result, there was all kinds of switching and schedule changing, and someone else (I'll call him Ted) was put in my place this morning. However, because of the incoming snow storm, my field trip to Boston got cancelled yesterday. At the time, I figured it made sense to just let Ted stay on the schedule because of all the rearranging that had taken place.

Then it hit me early this morning. Ted was going to have to drive to church in this storm. In my place. Because of me. All I could think about was that Ted is married and has two little kids. If something happened to him it would be all my fault. I asked my husband if I should call Ted and tell him I would run audio. Jim said, "No, that would be totally OCD. Nobody else would do that. It's hyper-responsibility." So I agreed not to call him, although I wasn't sure that was the right decision.

Now, hours later, my anxiety is pretty low. I've learned that if I sit with it, it eventually dies down, or goes away altogether. It's 12:30 p.m. and I know that church is wrapping up and people are getting in their cars to drive home. I'm praying for them, and that is all that I can do. I don't know what will happen. I've decided to accept that. Uncertainty. You've got to love it. No, really, you've got to learn to love it.

14 comments:

  1. I get anxious about the same types of things. I worry about Larry driving, and I find things to feel hyper responsible for, and the anxiety rages!

    It sounds like you handled this episode really well. You sat with the anxiety, and it subsided. You didn't call Ted. You let it go.

    You make an interesting point--we have to learn to love uncertainty. That's hard! But I see your point--we have to accept that it's such a part of our lives, we have to love it in a sense.

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    1. I was surprised at how easily I was able to let it go once I made the decision to not call Ted. Sometimes, I think part of the anxiety is the inability to make the decision. Once the decision is made, I try to "set" my mind on it.

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  2. I like what your husband said. And of course, if Ted decided to go, that would be his choice.
    I do worry about my husband in situations like that too.

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    1. You know, Kristina, I didn't even think about that. Ted had a choice about whether to go or not either. I just assumed he didn't have one, but he's a grown man and capable of deciding things for himself too. Thanks for that.

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  3. Accepting uncertainty... actually loving it? Sounds hard (unless it is uncertainty of how a novel will turn out - that cuold be fun). I guess I try to do that with perfectionism stuff (which is a subgroup of uncertainty, probably). I realize something isn't perfect, like school work I'm turning in, and tell myself, "It's not perfect. That's good. That's the way it is supposed to be."

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    1. Ooooooh it IS hard, Abigail! And yes, I'm glad your homework is not perfect and you are right - that IS the way it's supposed to be. Good for you!

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  4. I am so tired of the snow! Is it over yet?

    I can understand the anxiety of driving in the snow. I always feel guilty when I know some is driving in the snow and it is my fault.

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    1. Oh, I feel the same way about the snow, Jen! And I even missed the biggest storm of the year! I'm so over it.

      Now, I must say that I find it VERY interesting that you feel guilty about that too, especially because you don't have OCD. It's so stupid, I always think OCDers have the corner market on anxiety and guilt. Which, duh, of course we don't. Thanks for sharing that. It actually makes me feel better knowing that.

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  5. Beautiful snowy picture!

    I know how it is to worry about people who are out in the weather! I wonder how many time I've looked and friends and family and told them to be safe and looked at them as if it were the last time I'd see them!

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    1. You can't tell from the picture, but just in front of the two trees is a beautiful pond (which was all covered with snow, of course!). In the summer it is teeming with fish and wild life. Many of us like to sit by the glass wall we have at church and just watch all the activity on that pond. We also have a resident giant blue heron who hangs out there. It is so cool to sit back and observe him (or her, I guess!).

      Ah, so you look at people the same way too, Elizabeth?! I felt so goofy when my hubby realized what I was doing. Ha ha

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  6. Oh, I do the same thing with driving in bad weather. It's tough not to worry, but like you say, it's embracing the uncertainty and just accepting it that is the key. Great post!

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    1. Thanks, Janet! Unfortunately, this winter has given us plenty of opportunities to embrace uncertainty with loved ones driving in the snow. Ugh - sick of it!

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  7. I hate anxiety. Monique hugs to you dear one....

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