In approximately 4 hours, a taxi will be picking me up to whisk me away to the local airport. For those of you keeping track, yes, I will be picked up at 4:15 a.m. This means that I must be awake around 3:30 a.m. to get ready. I rarely fall asleep before, say, 1:30 or 2:00 a.m. This should be interesting. My anxiety always goes on overdrive when I've not had enough sleep, so I'm praying that God will help me through these next several hours. I'm not even tired yet, and I'm already a nervous wreck.
I'm flying by myself to visit some relatives in Florida for this next week. Leaving my husband behind. I'm going by myself. I already said that, didn't I? It's really hard for me to leave Jim, my "safe person." In fact, a little while ago I mentioned to him that I thought I was making a mistake leaving him behind. I have this weird fear that he will die when I'm gone and I will have missed my opportunity to spend his last moments with him. He hugged me and said, "You need to go - as part of an exposure." He's right. Again.
The funny thing is that this is not the first time I've traveled alone. I even have family waiting for me on the other end of the flight. I visited family in Florida by myself last winter. Furthermore, in the summer of 2010, I went to the IOCDF Annual Conference completely by myself, and I was in much worse shape, mentally speaking.
So what am I afraid of? Hmm . . . strange public bathrooms. What to do with my luggage when I go into strange public bathrooms. Going through security. Pulling out my little baggie of liquids and hoping that I don't get arrested for making some kind of security mistake. Spending a 3 hour layover in an airport that I've never been in before. Sleeping in a strange bed. Bed bugs. Being away from Jim, and my kitty, Anna. Being out of my comfort zone. Uncertainty about what will happen. Sounds like a lot of anticipatory anxiety. Yep, sounds like a good exposure to me.