Yesterday, some friends invited us over to their house to watch the AFC Championship game with them. (A big football game - in case you are not familiar with the sport!) On the way to their house, we stopped at the grocery store to pick up some sodas, chips, and dips.
As we were checking out, I picked up one of the bags that held a glass jar filled with dip. Wouldn't you know, that is the one bag that I had to drop on the floor, with the glass jar making a very loud noise when it hit the tile. Immediately, I stated, "Oh, I'm going to go get another jar. I'm not serving that one to people." My husband looked at the jar, and said, "I think it's ok. I can't see any cracks." I still insisted on getting another jar. The cashier (a young girl in her teens) said, "Oh, no, see it's fine. There are no cracks." I said, "No, I'm not serving that. I will buy another one." She started to get a little insistent that it was ok, but I refused (while inwardly I was beginning to get angry that she was fighting me on this) and I walked away to go find another jar. (I was planning on paying for the dropped jar, as well as the new jar.)
When I returned to the cash register with the new dip, I asked my husband where the dropped jar was. He said, "She took it back." I was really getting upset now, although I think I did a pretty good job of hiding it. "Did you tell her we would pay for it?" My husband answered yes. Then the cashier again said that the jar was fine. I asked her if she was going to put it back on to the shelf, and of course, she said yes. I told her that I wouldn't do that. She pretty much ignored me at that point. I honestly don't know why it mattered to her so much that the jar was "ok."
We paid for our groceries and left, but oh I was so angry. I hate the idea that someone might choke on a small piece of glass that may have chipped off of the jar. I considered talking to the store manager to complain, but at the same time, I was concerned that I would look like a crazy lady. I don't know, maybe I am a crazy lady. I really hope no one gets hurt. The situation is out of my control, though. Like most of life, I guess.
As we drove away, my husband apologized to me. He said that he was enabling me by allowing me to buy another jar and that he should have made me serve the dropped jar. He felt like he failed me. Maybe he did enable me, but I can tell you that if he had forced me to serve that dropped jar of dip, I would have completely come undone in front of our friends who do not know that I have OCD. I know that purchasing a new jar of dip was a compulsion. It's just that the urge was so overwhelming to do it.
I also feel a bit guilty now for becoming angry at the cashier (though I never let it show to her - or at least I don't think I did). I don't know if I should feel that way or if it's false guilt.
It's amazing what a mine field the grocery store can be for someone with anxiety!