|I love to watch the|
moon wax and wane.
The moon is not the only thing that waxes and wanes. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is something that is also known to wax and wane. Meaning, OCD can get worse for no apparent reason, and at times it can get better, again without any obvious reason. I think it's easy to say that most of us are pretty happy when OCD wanes on its own, but when it waxes (or gets worse) without any explanation, that can become exceedingly frustrating.
Unfortunately, I'm at a point where the OCD is becoming more problematic. I have no explanation for this. Perhaps it is the cold weather and darkness that is settling like a thick blanket over New England. Perhaps not. In any case, it really doesn't matter what the cause is. My OCD is getting worse and I have to live with that reality. And deal with it.
I know of a handful of people that have almost completely recovered from OCD. I know many more people that have improved through treatment, but still have to be vigilant about their symptoms. I believe I fit in the latter category. I've come to the conclusion that truly accepting the fact that I have a chronic mental illness means that I also must accept what comes with it, including the waxing and waning of the illness. As my symptoms improve, I will celebrate. As my symptoms worsen, I will refuse to blame myself. Instead, I will ride the wave while at the same time doing what I can to minimize the symptoms. I'm done fighting the idea that I have OCD. I still hate it, but not as much as I once did. I'm choosing to accept it, while not giving in to it. Easier said than done.