Why "71º & Sunny?"

I consider 71º to be the perfect temperature. Not too cold and not too hot. I also love perfect sunny days. The vast majority of days are not 71º & Sunny and yet, all days were created by God's hand and they are still gifts, even if they don't fit my ridiculous definition of perfection. My struggle with OCD has at times imprisoned me in an impossible attempt to achieve perfection. I'm now learning to love all kinds of days that don't even come close to 71º & Sunny.

Please leave me a comment below. I really want to know what you are thinking!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Waxing And Waning

I love to watch the
moon wax and wane.
The moon is not the only thing that waxes and wanes. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is something that is also known to wax and wane. Meaning, OCD can get worse for no apparent reason, and at times it can get better, again without any obvious reason. I think it's easy to say that most of us are pretty happy when OCD wanes on its own, but when it waxes (or gets worse) without any explanation, that can become exceedingly frustrating.

Unfortunately, I'm at a point where the OCD is becoming more problematic. I have no explanation for this. Perhaps it is the cold weather and darkness that is settling like a thick blanket over New England. Perhaps not. In any case, it really doesn't matter what the cause is. My OCD is getting worse and I have to live with that reality. And deal with it.

I know of a handful of people that have almost completely recovered from OCD. I know many more people that have improved through treatment, but still have to be vigilant about their symptoms. I believe I fit in the latter category. I've come to the conclusion that truly accepting the fact that I have a chronic mental illness means that I also must accept what comes with it, including the waxing and waning of the illness. As my symptoms improve, I will celebrate. As my symptoms worsen, I will refuse to blame myself. Instead, I will ride the wave while at the same time doing what I can to minimize the symptoms. I'm done fighting the idea that I have OCD. I still hate it, but not as much as I once did. I'm choosing to accept it, while not giving in to it. Easier said than done.

20 comments:

  1. Sunny, I'm so sorry that this is a time when OCD is worse. I know it's disappointing and frustrating. You have a wonderful attitude about it, and I think that will see you through teh harder times. You have so many tools in your "toolbox." May they be there for you to use during this time. And know that I am thinking about you and hoping for the best. Hugs!

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    1. Aw, thanks, Tina! I really appreciate the hugs and warm thoughts. It is hard, but you are right - I have the tools I need. Believe it or not, sometimes I just need to cry it out (like I just did tonight). I have come to fully realize that there is no magic pill and I will just have to learn how to deal with life as it comes, hard as that is sometimes. I just wish I could stop feeling overly responsible for the safety of others - especially children. It feels like such a heavy burden, but my husband keeps reminding me that it is just OCD. I wish I always believed him!

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  2. Sigh, I know that feeling . . . "oh, YOU'RE here again." I'm sorry you're hitting a rough patch. It's so hard. Tina is right, your attitude is lovely and wise. I need to emulate it!

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    1. Thanks for your kind words, Anna. By the way, that is my kitty's name - I lOVE the name Anna

      I have to remind myself that it is just a rough patch and it will pass too. It stinks while it is here, but hey, no one promised me a pain free life, right? Why should I be the exception? So I'm just gonna hang on to God to get me through.

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  3. Oh, I love the pic of you on here, nice to see you! I am in a wane, so to speak, but I am always vigilant, knowing that just as the good comes easy the bad can come easy too. I think you are on to the "trick" though. Riding it out, feeling it, acknowledging it's presence and waiting for the next wave to come in. I hope your next wave comes soon. Thinking of you!♥

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    1. I'm glad to finally have my pic on here - it's a relief to be out in the open.

      I'm so glad to hear your symptoms are pretty quiet right now - what a great feeling. I hope it lasts a long, long time.

      Why do I always only expect the good? So silly of me. It always catches me off guard - though I must say, I'm less off guard than I used to be. Work in progress I guess.

      Thank you for the sweet thoughts, Shannon!

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  4. Your post has a really healthy (and I think realistic) approach to all of this. You know you've learned the skills you need to deal when OCD returns, though, and that's an awesome thing.

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    1. Thanks, Ann. It's always comforting to hear from another person with OCD that my thinking seems realistic as far as recovery goes, 'cause you always wonder, "Hmmm . . . am I just making this stuff up as I go?" ha ha

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  5. I'm sorry that things aren't better for you. I think you are right about the fact that the weather might have something to do with it. As someone who has had a mental illness diagnosis for a very long time it comes to the acceptance of it and learning to ride the wave ie waxing and waning of it all. I agree Ann's comment, it is a healthy and realistic approach.

    Good luck to you!

    Hugs,
    Ally (aka Yaya)

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    1. Hugs to you too, Ally. : )

      I do find acceptance hard. Some days it's easier than others. I think acceptance waxes and wanes too! I was such an unhealthy "thinker" for so long that it's kind of strange to have a new view point on life. But it's good too and it sure feels better than beating myself up all the time.

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  6. I'm glad you're not blaming yourself! Good for you! OCD does wax and wane like the moon... I like that comparision :-)

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    1. Well, Elizabeth - it was the only comparison I could think of! I've never really heard the term "waxing and waning" applied to anything other than OCD and the moon. ha ha

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  7. Oh, not good that the OCD is taking on a bit of harsher role at the present. ... Good for you to not take the blame for it!!!

    One of my favorite saying I tell myself, "this too shall pass"
    ... and you'll get back to the place where the managing of it is not so harsh.
    ...and maybe, like you said, this weather can have a lot of reason for it too!

    Blessings!!

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    1. Absolutely, Deanna, this too shall pass. I think it's so important to hang on to thoughts like that when the hard stuff comes. Because it will come, but it will pass as well.

      Blessings to you as well, sweet lady!

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  8. You inspire me. :-) It's been hard to me to accept that my issues are lifelong, and so my coping must be lifelong, too, but when I see you keep trying I feel like I need to keep trying, too. :-)

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    1. Jean, that is the nicest thing I think I've ever heard!!! It's funny, but that's how I feel when I read your blog and the blogs of others too. It's like, well, if they're doing it, I think I can too!

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  9. I think you are an inspiration and a role model to those struggling with OCD, Sunny..you have a good attitude. I also find it interesting that in one of your comments you say that the OCD catches you off-guard. I see that as kind of a good thing; you are not walking around constantly wondering when the OCD is going to get worse. What a waste of time that would be! Instead it surprises you because you are not expecting it. Don't know if this makes sense to you or not......either way, I hope you "wane" soon.

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    1. It does make sense, Janet. Thanks, I never thought of it that way before, but you are so right. A lot of my thoughts don't involve OCD anymore (and believe me that is a major improvement!). Recovery is kind of odd, because OCD affects so much of your life, that you sometimes end up missing the areas where you have recovered. Thanks so much for that, Janet!!

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  10. You are indeed an inspiration! There are many of us (I'm sure) who read your words and find strength in them, even if we don't comment regularly. Recovery is a journey...I hope you continue to do well!

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    1. Oh wow, your sweet words feel like a warm hug. THANK YOU! I certainly hope you are well too. : )

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