As stated in my last post, it's been a really busy time for me recently. The last few days have continued to stay hectic (but in a good way). Sometimes, being very active is a great thing for my OCD because it doesn't give me much time to focus on it, or on the crazy thoughts (obsessions) that swim through my mind. Other times though, taking on additional activities introduces more obsessions into the mix because it takes me face to face with things that I might have avoided in the past.
On Saturday morning, I led a meeting for the Theater Team at my church. Because it was my meeting, I was responsible for opening up the building and then locking all the doors after we were done. I hate taking on this kind of reponsbility. It's a very scary proposition to me, because if something goes wrong, then it's all my fault. The funny thing though, is that I didn't even give much thought to the locking up part until the end of the meeting. That was a victory in and of itself, simply because in the past I would have been consumed with anticipatory anxiety for hours beforehand.
After everyone left, I stayed behind to use the restroom. I was a little anxious leaving the bathroom, knowing that I was the last one in there and that I was responsible for making sure that the faucets were off (I always worry I will leave them on and flood the church - weird, I know) and that the lights were off. Next, I had to make sure that the sound and lights were off in the sanctuary. This was not too stressful, as I'm often responsible for lights and sound on other occasions, so I've gotten pretty used to it. The side door though - that was a tough one as it can be a little tricky to close properly. I did re-check it once. However, once I reached my car, I really wanted to drive around to the side to check it again, only from the outside instead. I forced myself to drive away. That was hard. However, a few minutes later, I pretty much completely forgot about it!
|Code Red - a dumpster is nearby!|
On Sunday afternoon, after church services were over, there were only a few of us left in the building, including one of the women who was cleaning up all of the trash. Red alert. I generally stay far away from people wielding garbage bags. As I was walking to my car, I noticed her trying to put the trash into the dumpster. Unfortunately, the dumpster is really tall, and as she tried to lift the dumpster cover and toss the trash in, the cover fell down and knocked the bag over onto the ground, spilling a bunch of its contents. I really, really wanted to get into my car and drive away. I know, that would have been a jerky thing to do. I'm going to be honest with you - if she had not seen me, I probably would have driven away. However, she saw me, and I would have looked like a total loser (and very un-Christ like) if I hadn't walked over to help her. So, I sucked up my courage, walked over there, and held the cover for her (which was above my head because the dumpster is so tall) while she dumped the garbage in. Some of the garbage came out of the bag and flew into the air above us. I *think* some of it grazed my head, and I know that some of it hit my leg and shoe.
So I did the only thing I could - I cried all the way home and then washed everything in sight. Um, no, not really. That's what I wanted to do. Instead, I went back into the building, washed my hands, and went on with my day. Sure, my stomach was in knots as I drove away, but you know what? After a few minutes I was just fine. The obsessive thoughts bothered me a little throughout the afternoon and evening, but I checked with my husband and he told me to just go about my business like normal. Later, I went home and slept in my freshly cleaned and changed bed sheets, without having taken a shower first. Yep, progress. Praise God!