Why "71º & Sunny?"

I consider 71º to be the perfect temperature. Not too cold and not too hot. I also love perfect sunny days. The vast majority of days are not 71º & Sunny and yet, all days were created by God's hand and they are still gifts, even if they don't fit my ridiculous definition of perfection. My struggle with OCD has at times imprisoned me in an impossible attempt to achieve perfection. I'm now learning to love all kinds of days that don't even come close to 71º & Sunny.

Please leave me a comment below. I really want to know what you are thinking!

Monday, August 20, 2012

The Next Obsession?

Yesterday, it was my turn to live mix the audio for the worship team at church services. I truly love this volunteer position. It is the perfect combination of technical skill and musical artistry. There is a tremendous amount of knowledge needed to run the sound board properly, and I’m only just in the beginning of learning. Additionally, a sound tech needs to have a good ear for music to get just the right sound mix. Of course, like anything artistic, there is a lot of personal preference involved, but hopefully the sound I arrive at is pleasing to most people and helps them enter into worship with God.

I wanted the sound tech position for many years. When a spot became available, I gladly jumped on board the team. However, I was a bit leery about taking the job, because I was afraid of how my OCD might interfere. When you run sound, you are in control of a lot of expensive equipment. Electrical equipment. You know, the kind that can start fires or electrocute people. You can imagine the worried and anxious thoughts that flew through my mind when I agreed to join the sound team. Thankfully, I can honestly say that my obsessions/compulsions about this have been minimal. I only occasionally re-check anything. Usually, it ends up being a pleasant (if not a little tiring) experience.

Until yesterday. You see, there is a family at my church that has the most adorable baby boy. I really love this kid. He’s smily and friendly, and he lets me hold him (I have OCD worries about that too - I’ll tell you about that some other time). Anyway, there is just something about this precious baby boy that I love. And there it is. OCD is really good about finding people or things that you care about, and twisting them into reasons for high anxiety.

We have three morning services at church. First service went smoothly. During second service, from my higher vantage point in the sound booth, I noticed this family and their baby out in the congregation. Then all of a sudden I got the thought (obsession) that I had the music too loud and that I was going to cause this boy to lose his hearing and go deaf. I unfortunately kept checking the decibel meter to make sure I was not running the sound too hot. Of course, it was ok - right around 88 dBs. I told myself this was just OCD and to ignore it. After service, I visited with my favorite little guy and his family, and all was fine.

Third service, I was again struck with the same obsession when I observed another family in the congregation holding their baby. Right away, I knew that OCD was stalking me. It was trying to steal the joy from me when I was serving God in a way that was also fun and fulfilling. I did, unfortunately, engage in a bit more compulsive checking of the decibel meter.

I’m a little worried about the next time I’m on the schedule to run audio. Ugh. I do not want this to be the next big obsession. I refuse to panic about this though. I know these are just thoughts and nothing else. I will force myself to run the equipment just like I normally do and I will fight every compulsion that comes my way. There is no other choice. That is the only way I will gain victory over this.

10 comments:

  1. Sunny, I think it's great that you chose to do the sound, something that you enjoy and can honor God with. And you chose to do it in spite of OCD. So that is a victory in and of itself.

    I think OCD does, in a sense, stalk us. We start doing something we enjoy, and it rears its ugly head. But you nipped each obsession and compulsion in the bud, and I have no doubt you will continue to do so if needed. Just remember you are prepared and ready for it!

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    1. Thanks, Tina - you're right - the fact that I decided to push forward and even do the sound was a victory! I had not even thought about that.

      I DO have the tools and I am prepared for future obsessions - but sometimes I forget about that and I get a little s-s-s-cared. I guess the thing that always throws me for a loop is the fact that OCD constantly comes up with new and creative ways to mess with my head. It really does keep you on your toes!

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  2. I like that you are strong and confident, refusing to panic and I know you have what it takes to whip this outta the park.
    I hate that OCD takes what we love and can twist it into a obsession/compulsion - keep your eye on the prize Sunny, your going to come out on top, I just know it.

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    1. Ha ha - I love that Krystal Lynn - "whip this outta the park!"

      Ok - I've just been given my marching orders - I will indeed "keep my eye on the prize!"

      Seriously, thanks for the encouragement. : )

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  3. "There is no other choice." I love it. you know exactly what OCD is trying to do and what you have to do to fight it. Good for you, Sunny! I am sure you will win this battle.

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  4. Good for you that you didn't let ocd rob you of a wonderful volunteer position! Glad you told ocd off when it started on you, like you expected. Next time will hopefully be easier to get rid of it.

    It's horrid how ocd takes our mind off something important and focuses us on 'fake' important things- for lack of a better word, lol.

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    1. Oh, I really, really like that, Karin. "Fake important things." That is exactly what is going on. It's just a distraction from real life.

      Thank you for your kind words.

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  5. I always worry over things like that. Though the last time I went to church, the organist was really hitting those keys hard. That is something I wish I had, musically ability.

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    1. I wish I could play an instrument too. I am planning on taking drum lessons soon. Although I've been saying that for like 5 years!

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