Today, I battled against my arch-enemy, Hit and Run OCD. Unfortunately, Hit and Run OCD won this little skirmish.
I had to drive downtown to take care of some business. As I parked my car, I scraped both passenger side tires against the curb. (Please, no jokes about female drivers!)
Mistake #1: After I parked my car, I told myself that I would check the curb for dead or injured pedestrians when I came back to my car after I completed my business. Uh, big no-no. I should never have reassured myself by making plans to check the curb later.
Mistake #2: After I returned to my car and drove away, I suddenly remembered that I had never checked the curb. For some strange reason, I decided that I needed to keep my "promise" to myself to check the curb. If I had not made that promise to myself, I probably would not have felt the need to return to the curb.
Mistake #3: I actually drove around the block and went back to check the curb. Another big no-no. Every time I complete a compulsion, I am actually reinforcing it in my brain, making it harder to resist future compulsions. Grrrrr. I KNOW better. Oh, and do you think there was a dead or injured pedestrian laying by the curb? Should I even bother to answer this question?
Mistake #4: This actually has nothing to do with Hit and Run OCD. It is a contamination issue, however. As I was walking into City Hall this morning, I noticed a gentleman (I assume he was an employee) pushing a large garbage can through the entry doors. Of course, the garbage can rubbed up against the door and the door handle. This happened right in front of me, so I got a really good view of it. I should have purposely grabbed the door handle. I didn't. In fact, when I later left the building, I made sure to avoid touching any spots that may have hit the garbage can. Again, every time I perform a compulsion (including avoidance), I make it harder for my long term recovery.
Some days you win, some days you lose. Thankfully, God's mercies (and His care, comfort and strength) are new every day. He reminded me of that by blessing me with a beautiful rainbow this evening.