Why "71º & Sunny?"

I consider 71º to be the perfect temperature. Not too cold and not too hot. I also love perfect sunny days. The vast majority of days are not 71º & Sunny and yet, all days were created by God's hand and they are still gifts, even if they don't fit my ridiculous definition of perfection. My struggle with OCD has at times imprisoned me in an impossible attempt to achieve perfection. I'm now learning to love all kinds of days that don't even come close to 71º & Sunny.

Please leave me a comment below. I really want to know what you are thinking!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Forget About Peacefully Counting Sheep

My husband and I ordered a mattress, box-spring, pillows, mattress covers (to protect the mattress from bed bugs of course!), and a bed this weekend. The delivery was scheduled for today between 1:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. I first had to prepare our bedroom by moving out a lot of accumulated stuff, both under the bed and throughout the room. I did most of this yesterday, and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. One positive note is that I used a vacuum cleaner that had been stored in the hall closet with the other, hand-held “dirty” vacuum cleaner (the one that had been used to clean up mouse droppings in the basement). I finally decided that my regular vacuum cleaner was not contaminated as it was not actually touching the hand-held one. I did beg hubby to throw out the hand-held vacuum, and he finally agreed to do so. (Don’t tell my psychologist!)

The real trouble came today. Wouldn’t you know that the delivery men showed up at about 4:40 p.m. I sat at my kitchen counter all afternoon waiting for them to arrive. I didn’t want to do anything or start anything in case they showed up while my hands were dirty, thereby making it difficult for me to answer the door.

Every one of the delivered items was sealed in plastic, but my goodness it had to be the most filthy plastic I ever saw. My hands got extremely grimy just from handling the outside of the packages. The movers’ hands were filthy as well, and they left dirty fingerprints on my new mattress!! Before the delivery men left, one of them asked me if he could please wash his hands. Of course, I had to say yes. So he washed his hands. I noticed that he didn’t dry his hands and I told him he could use the towel hanging in the bathroom. After he left, I realized why he hesitated using the towel. There were dirt stains all over it. Ugh.

At this point, I had to quickly start washing all the protective covers for the mattress, box-spring, and pillows so they would be ready by bed time. Most of the items were water proof and took multiple loads to dry. The worst part is that I forgot to unzip them open before they got washed, and I didn’t discover that until 10:30 tonight, when it was much too late to rewash them. My husband was tired and wanted to go to bed. So I was forced to put the coverings on the pillows and mattress. Of course, being that they are water proof, I’m sure none of the soap and water got inside of the covers, just only on the outside. Great. Unwashed items on my brand new bed. I feel like my bed is ruined now. Not only that, just as we were finally making the bed tonight, I noticed another dirty finger print on the mattress. The problem is that water is the only thing that seemed to get the prints off. My husband didn’t want to wait for me to wet the spot and then dry it (so we could put the waterproof cover on it), as by this point he was falling asleep standing up. So he insisted on putting the cover on anyway, put the sheets on, and and went to bed. With that dirty fingerprint on the mattress underneath him. I know he was beyond exhausted, so I don't blame him for wanting to get to sleep right away. However, I feel disgusting. I've been dancing with anxiety all evening, and frankly, I'm in a sour mood. I am not happy. I can't even do something as simple as have a bed delivered without it turning into a major OCD event. Most of the time these days I am more than able to handle what OCD throws at me. Sometimes though, it still really throws me off balance and I feel like I need to run away from all the fear. Then again, where would I run to? My brain follows me wherever I go.

13 comments:

  1. Sunny, It sounds like a stressful day! I would have been anxious too. The fact that you let the delivery man wash his hands--I don't know if I could have done that! I guess I would have said yes, but I would have freaked out inside.

    If you're like me, there was a cascade of smaller things that blobbed all together to make a big anxiety. You had to wait, the plastic was dirty, the delivery men's hands were dirty, one used your sink, the wash didn't come out right, etc. All together, that's a lot of stressors.

    The outside of the covers are clean--perhaps it could be a good exposure to sleep on them for a few days, and then rewash them. Maybe your husband actually did you a favor by needing to go to bed--now you won't spend any more time tonight washing. I know that's small consolation, and I know you're upset, but hopefully the anxiety level will fall soon. I hope so!

    And I hope you can enjoy your new mattress soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello. :) I'm sorry you had a bad day. I know exactly what you're going through. I have issues with delivery men and installers as well. I had the AC man repairing my unit outside not too long ago and freaked out kuz he was all sweaty and bumped into my windchimes. Ridiculous I know, but I still avoid those chimes like the plague. Anyway, I agree with Tina. It was just a bunch of little stuff that added up quickly on you. I know exactly how it feels to feel rushed and anxious because the hubby is waiting for you to put sheets on the bed and he's tired. Mine gets aggravated after a while. But again I agree with Tina. The outside of the covers should be clean. I think your fine. Just rewash them when you have time and get the fingerprints off. It's probably just dust and grime from the warehouse but ours came the same way, filthy. At least you have the sheets as a barrier between you and the prints. I'm really so sorry this happened to you and I hope you're able to get some rest. <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you both for your encouragement ladies. Sigh. I'm feeling really, really wiped out today. But I know it's just a result of yesterday. You are both correct. It was just one little thing that added to another little thing, and so on and so on. Because it was all little things, I didn't recognize what was happening. In between all this stuff last evening, I quickly ran over to a nearby department store to pick up a few things. While walking around, I felt like I was going to have a big, public anxiety attack with crazy screaming, and I could envision myself being carried away on a gurney out to a waiting ambulance. Oh boy. Such is life with an anxiety disorder. Some days you win some . . .

    My husband already told me this morning that I could not re-wash anything. I would just have to live with it, as is. I know he's just trying to help me, but ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I know it's hard, but it's really great that your husband is supporting you in not letting you do extra exposures. This will be a good thing!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ann. You're right, it is a good thing my husband is doing. In fact, he's doing things I am not able to and I know I would not have made as much progress as I have if I didn't have his support. Thank you for your support!

      Delete
  5. As I was reading your post 2 things hit me. First, I can sympathize because I completely lost my mind when we moved; the movers took our mattress out of the house, dragged it through and across garage floor, laid it in on driveway, and then put it in a big mattress carton. I think, OCD aside, that was crazy to do. I was pretty sure I was going to throw it away but we did a cross country move and by the time I got it a few weeks later, I had so many other boxes to unpack and things to do I just had to live with it. It was like when they did that, all of our stuff suddenly became dirty so I would have had to throw everything we owned out. I remember sleeping on it the first time was the hardest..I didn't even know what ERP was then..but the anxiety did go away. I hope yours will as well.
    Second, it has never occurred to me to use a protective cover on
    my box spring or even our pillows. I always use a cotton protective cover for our mattress because I sweat a lot when I sleep but I distinctly remember buying a new one, taking it right out of the package and putting it on the bed. I always wash new sheets before using them on our bed though so I don't know why I determined it was ok to do that, but I did.
    I hope you feel better today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Krystal Lynn. I actually feel tremendously better now. I had lots of errands to do this afternoon and a bunch of stuff around the house and I think I burned off enough energy that I'm pretty ok with it all. That is the really neat thing about CBT & ERP. I've been doing it long enough now that my body just comes down from the anxiety so incredibly fast that I can be feeling much better several hours later (or in even less time - depending on how anxiety producing the event was).

      Wow, don't know how I would have handled the whole movers throwing my mattress on the ground thing. Talk about an ERP. I guess it ended up being really good that you were too tired to deal with it!

      It's funny - just last night I was mentioning to my husband that I wondered how many people even bother to wash mattress covers if they come sealed in plastic. I guess I got my answer. : )

      Delete
  6. Sunny, I hope you're feeling better today. Hugs and prayers for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll take all the hugs and prayers I can get! Thank you Alfonsia. I'd say your prayers were answered because I felt much, much better by this afternoon. In fact, I pretty much felt like my old self. Hugs back at you!

      Delete
  7. Hugs! That's a lot for an OCDer to take on. I know exactly what you feel like, and my husband probably knows exactly what your husband feels like too. :) Good luck. Ride the wave. Hopefully you feel some peace soon. BTW, good job on the vacuum. Celebrate the positive of being able to use an appliance again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the encouragement Shana! (And for the hugs.) You're right - I should celebrate being able to use the vacuum. In the past, I would have thrown it out.

      I can only imagine the stories our husbands could tell each other! : )

      Delete
  8. I'm glad you are already feeling better. I love your last two sentences, and have often thought the same thing when I hear of people "running away from their problems." When our problems involve thoughts, there is no escaping, no running away. We take ourselves with us wherever we go!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Janet. Yes, I'm feeling significantly better. Being the "avoidance queen," I've learned that I can't avoid my brain, though sometimes I still try!

      Delete