I'm flying home in a few hours. I'm so thankful to the Lord for giving me this past week in Florida. I had a great time and it was terrific distraction for what was going on at home. In fact, it was only last night that it really hit me that I was going to have to deal with the basement soon. When I started to think about it, I got such a surge of adrenaline through my body that I actually shivered. However, I made a decision to be mindful and told myself that tomorrow was another day and that I should enjoy the rest of my time here, and believe it or not, I was able to do just that. In the past I would never have been able to do that and it really surprises me now. I think it is a result of practice. I've been working on these concepts for a few years and I believe that my body has started to adjust to it and I seem to have much more control over my reactions than I used to. Now, when I get home at the end of the day and have to actually step into the basement, well, that's another story.
I have struggled with random bouts of free-floating anxiety. I totally hate this as it is quite unnerving. Each time it occurred I kept telling myself it was just a feeling and that I should not give it any thought, and soon enough, it went away.
I've had some big victories this week. I swam in a pool for the first time in a dozen years!! In fact, I had so much fun that I did it three days in a row. I re-used my bath towels for two days in a row (not that I've never done that before, but it's usually quite uncomfortable for me) and it didn't bother me too much. I made a conscious decision not to check my bed for bed bugs! I wore flip-flops all week and didn't even check my feet at the end of the day (I've been working on this one for a few years - finally true success). A relative of mine grabbed the garbage, then grabbed the door handle, and I forced myself to use the door handle later and not wash my hands. I re-used my hat this week several times without washing it. I'm sure there were some other things, I just can't remember them all.
If you are reading this and feel like you could never get to this point of recovery, I want to stress to you that this did not happen overnight. I have been in cognitive behavioral therapy for 2 1/2 years. It takes time for your mind and your body to adjust. The trick is to keep going at it, and you will have your successes too. The Bible says that living for God is a marathon and not a sprint. I'd like to steal that thought and say that it's true for healing from OCD as well. God Bless!