Why "71º & Sunny?"

I consider 71º to be the perfect temperature. Not too cold and not too hot. I also love perfect sunny days. The vast majority of days are not 71º & Sunny and yet, all days were created by God's hand and they are still gifts, even if they don't fit my ridiculous definition of perfection. My struggle with OCD has at times imprisoned me in an impossible attempt to achieve perfection. I'm now learning to love all kinds of days that don't even come close to 71º & Sunny.

Please leave me a comment below. I really want to know what you are thinking!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I Did It!!!!!!!

After almost one year, I finally spent time in my basement and sat down. In fact, my husband picked up some take-out and we ate our dinner down there. It ended up being easier than I thought it would be. Much easier. Once again, the anticipatory anxiety was exceedingly more painful than the reality. Although, after about 20-25 minutes, I had had enough so we came back upstairs. I'm still worried that not everything is perfectly clean, and naturally, nothing is ever perfectly clean. About the only thing my husband didn't wash were the walls. Of course, I'm now afraid to touch the walls. Don't you just know that my psychologist will tell me that I have to touch the walls for an ERP! But hey, that's for next week's appointment. My goal this week is to sit downstairs for a little bit every day until the anxiety goes away.

It has not been all smooth sailing since I've been home however. When I came home on Monday night I noticed that the small hand-held vacuum that we used to pick up mouse droppings in the basement was now located in my first floor closet. I ended up having a full meltdown, mild hyperventilation included. My husband had cleaned the outside of the vacuum, but all I kept thinking was that the inside of the hose was not clean and it was now contaminating my first floor. Ugh. It's always something. So my assignment (ERP) this week, in addition to sitting in the basement, is to use the vacuum throughout the rest of my house. We'll see about that one.

On another note, I've added a new page to my blog. It's called "Got Questions?". Feel free to comment there on anything not related to my current posting.   : )

6 comments:

  1. Yay! You did it! You accomplished the goal, which was to spend time in the basement. Good, good, good for you! Isn't it interesting that the anticipatory anxiety can cause more distress than the actual event anxiety?

    I guess there will always be something to face with OCD. But remember your skills and tools. You will get through it.

    Just think--this was at the TOP of your anxiety hiearchy, and you have made absolutely great strides towards dealing with it. That is huge.

    Here's a {hug}!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Tina!! My husband said the same thing - "hey can you believe it was a 100 on your hierarchy!"

      Writing this blog has been a big help - I've gotten so much encouragement from wonderful people (like you!) and it also helps to keep me accountable.

      Yep, there will always be something to work on - but in some wacky way maybe that is good. I don't ever want to forget this whole process. It has been too painful and I learned too many things that I want to hold on to.

      Hug back at ya!

      Delete
  2. Congradulations!!!!! I'm glad you had a great time in Florida and that you were able to not give in to ocd there. Having dinner in your lovely family room was a great exposure. You really conquered your fears. Whoo hoo!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Karin! Eating in the family room was my doc's idea. She thought it would be a good distraction for me while down there. She said it was a bit of avoidance to eat at the same time, but in this case a little avoidance while doing the larger exposure was ok. It definitely did help.

      Delete
  3. Congratulations on your achievement!!! Somehow I had no doubt that you would do it.......way to go!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Janet! I still can't believe it myself. It seems like your brain needs time to get used to good things as well as bad things.

      Delete