So far, so good. My crazy week is actually moving along relatively nicely. I'm not panicking too much about everything I have to do and I am slowly tackling each item and making progress. In addition, I've decided to try and work on my CSP again. I've realized that part of the problem is that when I feel the urge to pick, I'm usually too lazy and too involved in picking to get up and walk over to set the microwave timer to 60 seconds. In addition, there are many times when I'm in the car or somewhere else where I do not have access to a timer. In order to solve this I've ordered an inexpensive one minute sand timer along with two gel filled stress balls. These are all small items and will be easily carried around. This should help me make a better attempt at HRT. (By the way, I've added a new link to the Online Resources. It is the Trichotillomania Learning Center (TLC). Trichotillomania is the proper name for Compulsive Hair Pulling and it is a close cousin of CSP. Treatment for CSP and TTM is somewhat similar. The TLC site also has some good information on CSP, which is why I've added it to my list.)
I did have an interesting evening last night. I went to church and directed the rehearsal for a skit that will be performed during Sunday services. In retrospect, the experience was pretty amazing. I felt relatively confident during the rehearsal process. I did do a little second guessing, but for the most part I was obsession free and things went quite well. I had a job to do, I did it, and I felt good about it.
Then I went home. That is when the nagging doubts, a/k/a obsessions, started slowly playing around in my mind. "Why did you do this, or why didn't you do that? Why did you say this, or why didn't you say that?" Over and over as the evening went on and later when I went to bed, these thoughts were circling with increasing ferocity. I was starting to feel some agony about this, but mercifully I somehow managed to eventually fall asleep. When I woke up, I had many errands to attend to and I didn't really get a chance to think about it again very much until this evening. It is so strange. Sometimes when I'm hard at work, I'm so involved in the task at hand that I'm able to escape most obsessions. It is only after the fact that I'm plagued with all of the second guessing. Supposedly hindsight is 20/20 but I'd rather not look back at all. Why can't I just do something and then move on permanently? Do you have times where you feel confident about something you've done and then later on all of a sudden your confidence completely melts away? Or is there anything that you do that you feel good about all the time?