Last night was my first real concerted attempt at fighting CSP. I received the two small gel balls and the minute sand timer in the mail yesterday. I've decided to give HRT a solid try. I'm happy to report that I was able to hold off picking for at least four to five hours. It was very difficult though. It's unbelievable how often I think about picking. Finally, around midnight, I gave in. I didn't go too crazy though. I held myself back some.
One thing that really surprised me was the reaction I had the other day when I fought the CSP. I hadn't received the gel balls in the mail yet. I kept picking at a spot on my scalp. I worry so much that I will get a bald spot from this. To stop myself from picking further, I put a little bit of antibiotic ointment on the spot. I knew that I would not want to touch it at that point and get the ointment all over my fingers. It did stop me from picking at it. The weird thing is that I started breathing hard and I was physically struggling to the point that my husband noticed and asked me if I was ok. I didn't even realize I was struggling until he pointed it out. Once I became aware of what was happening and that it was only because I was fighting the picking, I calmed down pretty quickly. It was one of the oddest experiences I have ever had in battling my anxiety disorders. I can only surmise that it was a kind of withdrawal symptom. Not fun. It was very eye opening to me and it cemented the fact that this is a very real problem that I have to deal with. Now.