I am feeling out of control today. My Compulsive Skin Picking (CSP) has really gone crazy. I'm overeating to a ridiculous amount. The overeating has activated a severe reaction from the gastroesophageal reflux that I also struggle with. In fact, I was sitting up on my couch until about 4:30 this morning because every time I tried to lay down, the reflux would cause me to cough uncontrollably and the burning in my throat would become painful. Which leads me to another problem. Sleep. Sigh. My sleep schedule is a complete mess as well. When I do actually finally fall asleep, it's usually in fitful starts and stops.
I don't want to give you the wrong impression. I am not overly discouraged. Considering what my husband and I have gone through over the last few years with his illness and mine, well, it would take a lot more than this to really discourage me. I am, however, very frustrated and disappointed with myself. I seem to be the creator of a lot of my own problems. I could fight the CSP, if I actively pursued the tenets of HRT, but when I'm in the middle of it, frankly, I just don't want to stop. The same thing for eating. If I stop overeating, my reflux would improve and so would my sleep. If I forced myself to get up at the same time every day, regardless of how I slept the night before, that would also help my sleep schedule.
It's quite strange. In some ways, I feel increasing control over the OCD. In other ways, well, I guess you can tell. It's like I only have a limited store of discipline and I've used it all up! Anyway, this is mostly just a post for complaining. If you wanted to send a few prayers over my way, I sure wouldn't mind. What do you do to get control over yourself? How do you stop yourself from doing something that you really, really don't want to stop?