Why "71º & Sunny?"

I consider 71º to be the perfect temperature. Not too cold and not too hot. I also love perfect sunny days. The vast majority of days are not 71º & Sunny and yet, all days were created by God's hand and they are still gifts, even if they don't fit my ridiculous definition of perfection. My struggle with OCD has at times imprisoned me in an impossible attempt to achieve perfection. I'm now learning to love all kinds of days that don't even come close to 71º & Sunny.

Please leave me a comment below. I really want to know what you are thinking!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

ERP: One Post At A Time

Sometimes I get gripped by this overwhelming, panicky feeling. My heart starts beating faster and my stomach does this thing where it feels like someone is manipulating it like a piece of clay. My breathing quickens to an uncomfortable rhythm and I get a tunnel-like vision where I'm no longer really aware of my surroundings. I can feel the adrenaline pulsing and I can only think about one thing. What did I just blog about?

I wonder if what I've written is ok. Did I write something offensive? Will people hate me for what I wrote? Will they think I'm a "bad Christian"? You know, someone who claims to live for Christ, but really only talks about it but doesn't live it? Will I be sued for my blog and lose everything I own? Will I go to jail for what I've written? Yes, I really do worry about this. For some reason I'm always worrying that someone will think I've done something wrong and I will go to jail. (Having talked to other OCD sufferers, this seems like a common obsession.) I've even had talks with my husband about this and he assures me, that yes, he will still love me even if I go to jail!

For me, blogging is an act of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Once I've published it, it is out in cyberspace and there is nothing I can do to get it back. The act of hitting "Publish Post" is both victorious and anxiety ridden. I started this blog because I really wanted to bring to light an illness that too often stays in the dark. I want people to know there is NO SHAME in mental illness. However, I also knew the blog would help me to overcome my fears as well. Thanks for reading. You're helping me to do an ERP one post at a time. God Bless You!

2 comments:

  1. Sunny, I get what you're saying about the worry over blogging. I, too, sometimes obsess over what the results from my blog posts will be. But it's good practice in "letting go," because as you said, once it's in cyberspace, it's gone!
    I really enjoy your blog. You are a good writer and are very insightful. Your kindness shines through also. Thank you for taking the chance and sharing!

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  2. Hey Tina! You're very sweet and I am truly grateful for your encouragement. I'm also glad to know that I'm not the only one to obsess about blogging!

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