Someone I really love is coming to stay with me over the Thanksgiving holiday. On one hand I can't wait to see them. On the other hand I am always quite anxious when they come over. You see I am deathly afraid of bed bugs. This person lives in a large city where there is a very large bed bug problem. I am so scared that they will be bringing bugs with them to my house. Then my house will get infested, then I will have to spend thousands of dollars to rid my house of these horrible bugs, then I will accidentally pass them on to friends of mine, they I will have to humiliate myself to my friends and admit the bed bugs came from my house, and then they will also have to spend thousands of dollars to clear their house out, and then all my friends will hate me because of this. I know, it sounds crazy, but this is the logic of OCD. Let's just say my thinking is filled with what are called cognitive distortions - catastrophizing, all or nothing thinking, emotional reasoning, etc.
My visitor knows about my OCD and my fears, though I try not to make too big of an issue with them about it. There have been times, though, when I have put off hugging this person until after they had a shower or a change of clothes later on because of my fear of these stupid bugs. I have no idea if this was obvious or not. But if it was obvious that I was avoiding giving a hug, it must have been hurtful.
I hate the way I act sometimes because of my OCD. I hate that I put my anxiety before the feelings of others sometimes, especially with people that I love so dearly. I do know though that the best way to deal with this is head on. So I'm going to hug my visitor right away tomorrow night when I first see them. It will take the sting out of my anxiety right away, and let them know that I care.
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!