Ugh. That Old Fear Of Fire Again.

Jim and I went to my in-laws house on Sunday afternoon to wish my father-in-law a Happy Father's Day. While there, my mother-in-law accidentally pushed a couple of napkins next to a lit candle. It was a tea light, so the candle was very small and the flame was low to the table. Well, that sure got the OCD humming.

Because I've gotten so much better, these panicky moments are mostly unusual for me now. It was definitely strange to be feeling like that again. I started obsessing about it immediately, though I tried to let it go. When no one was looking (including Jim!), I grabbed the napkins and held them under the kitchen faucet to get them wet. Of course, with the way that OCD works, that did not feel like enough. I was not convinced that the napkins were really soaked. When my in-laws left the room, I quickly whispered to Jim about the situation, and asked him what I should do. "Nothing." Somehow, I just knew that was going to be his answer. Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, "Hello? These are your parents. Don't you even care about their safety?"

I threw the napkins out in the bathroom garbage, but continued to worry about them. I asked Jim if he would toss some water on them the next time he went to the restroom. Being the good non-enabler that he is, he refused. Grrrrr. So I finally took my cup of soda (there was a little left) and I went into the bathroom and poured it in to the garbage and onto the napkins. Then I started to worry about the soda causing a fire, because I've read that sugar is very flammable. Oh the terrible tangled webs that OCD weaves.

Don't ask me how, but at some point I did manage to sort of forget about the napkin thing. We left, and although I secretly wondered if I would hear about their house burning down the next morning, I was able to put it behind me for the most part. That feels really kind of cruel to me that I was able to let it go. What kind of loving person does that? (I know, I know - that is just OCD talking to me through cognitive distortions, but still . . .)

Jim just happened to talk to his parents last night. So I guess that means they are alive and well and that their house is still standing. No thanks to me, though.

Ain't That The Truth!

Depression In Children And Adolescents

The Brain & Behavior Research Foundation is holding another webinar on Tuesday, June 11th. The subject is depression in kids and teens, and it is being given by Karen Dineen Wagner, M.D., Ph.D. I enjoyed the last webinar sponsored by the BBRF, and I thought that maybe some of you might like to "attend" this next one and perhaps learn some helpful information. If you would like to register for this one hour long webinar, please visit bbrfoundation.org/webinar. Happy webinar-ing!

A Great Treatment For Depression

Helping someone else. Oh, believe me, I know, when depressed it is so incredibly difficult to even get out of the house, never mind trying to do something for someone else. However, I have found volunteering, serving, whatever you want to call it, to be one of the best treatments for my depression.

There is just something about thinking about someone else for a while that makes my pain feel less. Many years ago, I had an unpleasant confrontation with someone. I walked away feeling extremely hurt and second guessing whether I had behaved in a truly loving and kind manner. I was so upset that I spent days in bed after that. I literally could not get out of bed because I was so overcome with pain, frustration, guilt . . . you name it. I could not function at all. I realize now that I was in a complete anxious and depressive meltdown. Was it an overreaction to the situation? Probably, but living with depression and an anxiety disorder will certainly contribute to overreactions.

Several days later (while I was still in bed) the phone rang. It was a friend of mine who was calling me because she was very upset about something. I can't even remember the reason for her call. I do remember that I spent the better part of an hour talking to her and trying to minister to her. By the end of the conversation, I think she felt better, and strangely enough, so did I. I was actually able to get out of bed that afternoon and work my way back to a normal schedule.

I learned a great lesson from that episode. Thinking about others is the best way to help me stop thinking about my own struggles. I have found tremendous fulfillment by volunteering on several teams at my church. Just yesterday, someone thanked me for serving at church. My answer? "Well, it really feels selfish because I get so much out of it." It doesn't feel like work to me. Obviously, my main reason for serving at church is to serve God, but there are also many personal benefits. It forces me to get out of the house. In addition, I get an incredible sense of accomplishment, I get to think about what others need, I get to feel like I'm contributing to society, and like I'm making an eternal difference in the lives of others. I also get to meet many new wonderful people and lastly, I get the chance to experience what it's like to be part of a team that is striving for something bigger beyond ourselves.

As a Christ follower, obviously, I think that churches are a great place to volunteer. But there are tons of places that need help. For example, nursing homes can always use someone to visit their patients, libraries often need people willing to read to kids, Habitat for Humanity can use people with building skills, and Big Brothers/Big Sisters always needs people with a heart for kids. For some people, organized volunteering is not their thing, but hanging out with elderly neighbors or mowing their lawn is.

I just wanted to pass on something that has made a tremendous difference in my life. Especially in my emotional life. Maybe it might help you too. Blessings!

But You Were Able To Do It Before

Can I complain a little? To make it sound better, I'll call it "venting" rather than complaining, ok?

I've made progress with fighting my OCD. A lot of progress. I still have OCD though. I suspect I always will, and I'm ok with that, believe it or not. Well, most of the time, I'm ok with that. Because I've come a long way in my recovery, and depression is not the large ball and chain in my life that it used to be, I think people around me forget that I still live with a mental illness. I don't forget though. I never can forget because it won't let me. I suspect a lot of you can relate to this too. Forgetting isn't an option for us, try as we might.

Recently, someone challenged me to do something that I had been able to do in the past. However, on this particular day, I just couldn't really do it. "But you were able to do it before." Ugh. Yes, I know but that doesn't mean that I can always do it. Some days I have the strength to do it, and some days it's just easier to do it. Other days, well, not so much. I don't think I should use this as an excuse to not try. I know I should always still try to fight the compulsions. Sometimes, though, it's just harder than at other times.

I know this person meant no harm in what they said. I'm sure my behaviors and thought patterns are confusing to anyone who doesn't have OCD. They're confusing to me! I'm not upset with this person. I get it. Just another day in the world of OCD land.

Living With Me And My OCD: A Documentary

Anytime OCD gets talked about in the media, I'm always excited about the opportunity for more people to learn about the disorder. I'm even more excited when I know that the subject matter will be treated with intelligence and sensitivity.

Living With Me and My OCD is a documentary being made by Claire Watkinson, of the UK. Claire is also an OCD sufferer - which is why I'm just sure this documentary will be filled with honest stories of those who live with and triumph over this illness on a daily basis.

Like any project of this nature, a lot of funding is required to bring it to life. I've chosen to partner with Claire to help make this documentary a reality. You can be a part of this too. Claire is using a crowd funding campaign to raise the necessary funds. Even a small donation can go a long way. In fact, you can give as little as 3 British Pounds Sterling (equal to roughly 4.56 U.S. dollars) to receive a yellow "Living With Me and My OCD" wristband. There are 7 days left in this crowd funding campaign, and if you feel led to join, you may do so at this link: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/living-with-me-and-my-ocd.

Proudly wearing my yellow wristband!

It's so exciting to be a small part of this amazing project. I have such a desire to make a difference in the world of OCD, and to join with others who feel the same way is an incredible opportunity to do just that: make a difference.

Thoughts On The Brain & Behavior Research Foundation's OCD Webinar

I had the opportunity to listen to the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation's free webinar on OCD last Tuesday (5/14). It was an excellent talk presented by Helen Blair Simpson, M.D., Ph.D. It was an introductory speech about OCD and the gold standard of treatment. Once again, I was reminded of the importance of CBT/ERP in battling this affliction. Dr. Simpson also discussed the use of SSRI's in fighting OCD.

Because it was of an introductory nature, I will not repeat everything here as a lot of this information can be found on this blog, and at the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) website.

There were a few notable things however, that I wanted to share with you. First, interestingly, Dr. Simpson mentioned that even though there are 3 categories of OCD - mild, moderate, and severe - most people who have OCD are in the moderate or severe category. Meaning, that apparently, if you get OCD, it's usually pretty bad. She also mentioned that the median age of onset is 19. And lastly, OCD is twice as common as schizophrenia in the general public. Her point? That when you put all these facts together, there are a LOT of people suffering severely, starting from a young age. This is why it is so important to get solid information and good treatment to as many people as possible.

The other thing that stuck out to me about Dr. Simpson's speech, was the promising advances in the research into OCD. According to Dr. Simpson, there is still a lot of work to be done, however, progress is being made. She cited one experiment involving one of her junior faculty members (I'm sorry - I did not get her colleague's name). This young researcher was actually able to duplicate OCD symptoms in a mouse by shining a specialized light on the part of the brain that is usually involved in OCD. After performing this experiment, the mouse began excessively grooming itself, even when the light was no longer being used on the brain. When the researcher gave the mouse an SSRI, the grooming behaviors stopped. It seems as if science is getting closer and closer to unlocking the secrets of OCD.

This webinar was top notch and rivals anything that I've heard at the IOCDF's annual conference. If this represents the quality of all the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation's monthly webinars, I would highly recommend them to anyone. The best part? You can now watch the webinar for yourself as it has been uploaded to the Foundation website. If any of you get a chance to watch it, I would be really interested to hear your comments. Enjoy!

FYI: If you would like to "attend" future webinars, this can be done through your computer or through your phone. I previously thought a smart phone was required to do this, but I believe you can simply use a regular phone to attend if you choose not to use your computer. Of course, you would not be able to see any of the slide presentations without a smart phone or computer, but I think attending any future webinars this way would still have a lot of informational value.